Since I started handing out Blacktop Blockhead awards, hundreds of people have asked me how . . .
(Phone ringing. “Hello. Hi, Bill [my editor]. What do you mean, don’t overstate the numbers in my column? Well, all right.”)
Since I started handing out Blacktop Blockhead awards, dozens of people . . .
(Ring. “Hi, Bill. Yes, I know you’ve told me a thousand times not to exaggerate.”)
A couple of people (Listen for it. Phone not ringing.) may have wondered how to avoid my Blacktop Blockhead awards. Here, then, are a few simple pointers in how to avoid being singled out and having to endure everlasting shame as the recipient of a Blacktop Blockhead.
Master the art of multitasking. I don’t mean being able to smoke a cigarette, drink a cup of coffee and talk on you cell phone at the same time as you’re supposedly driving. What I mean is learn how to operate a steering wheel and a turn signal in conjunction with each other. There are apparently a lot of drivers in Prince George who have not attained this level of manual dexterity.
Learn how to recognize and relate numbers to each other. When you see a certain number written on a sign at the side of the road with the words “Maximum Speed” on the same sign, take note of that number.
Now try to find it on your speedometer. Now try to make sure the red needle doesn’t go past that number. There are (again) a lot of drivers in Prince George who apparently don’t have the mental capacity to match these two numbers to each other.
Leave a few minutes early. If you know that it takes 10 minutes to get from Point A to Point B in light traffic, don’t wait until you have five minutes to get to Point B before you leave Point A. Do this too often and insist on getting to Point B on time by disregarding that little thing called the speed limit, and you may find yourself paying a visit to Point C, also known as the RCMP office, or even Point D, also known as the morgue.
Be courteous. This is probably the easiest and best way to avoid getting a Blacktop Blockhead. If you get to a four-way stop at the same millisecond as another driver, don’t just assume you have the right of way and charge through. His thought processes may be the same. Motion for the other driver to go first. It costs you a whole five seconds out of your day, and gives you a nice feeling inside. That’s a good trade. If you see a pedestrian standing at an uncontrolled intersection, stop and let them cross, In this case, it’s not just polite it’s the law.
Follow these few simple rules and you can avoid being one of the thousands (Phone rings. Ignore it.) who have won a Blacktop Blockhead.